Ricky Kresslein

The Rat Killer Chronicles


Piss Scared Into Me

Today I woke up at 5:30 a.m. Musashi was hungry, and when he didn’t find food at night he likes to wake me up early, in the hopes that I will feed him. I lifted my Mosquito net and got out of bed. It was still dark, so I used the light from my cellphone to make my way to the bathroom, where I turned on my solar lights.

As soon as I walked toward the toilet I heard something scampering. It sounded like a rat. As I continued, it sounded like it had gone over the wall. Nothing new, so I began to pee. I watched as Musashi, my cat, crept behind my laundry basin. He must have smelled something.

Before I could realize what was happening, Musashi was climbing up the tree trunk that makes up the frame of my bathroom. He was climbing so fast it was as if he had launched off the ground and was flying through the air with rocket boosters. I couldn’t tell what was going on but the sudden launch combined with the squeals were enough to scare the pee back into me and I stood back, watching.

Musashi reached the top of the post and launched himself out to the thin clothesline stretched across the ceiling of my bathroom. He did a sumersault around the wire and fell to the ground. It was like something out of a circus act. I was worried he had hurt himself but he landed on his feet, as cats are wont to do. And then it was over.

The cat trotted happily past me, carrying a large rat in his mouth. I hadn’t even seen the rat during the whole event, and had no idea at what point he may have caught it. Musashi brought the rat inside, and began playing with its corpse under my bed. Then he at the whole thing, stomach contents and al. It was a pretty big meal.

Gecko on the Wall

Musashi loves eating geckos and lizards. He’s pretty good at catching them too. I would say he brings home about two per week. He usually doesn’t eat them right away, but pulls off their tail and lets them run around a bit, repeatedly catching them and bringing them back to the center of the mat, before he bites off their heads and gobbles them up.

The other day I was sitting on the toilet, and Musashi was at the other side of the bathroom, just looking around. Without any warning, he sprinted across the bathroom, passing in front of me. He leapt through the air and slammed into the tin wall next to me. For a second I thought my cat had become a zombie and was trying to smash through the wall. Then I realized he had caught a tiny gecko in his jaws.

He was hungry and didn’t play with this one. He ate it quickly as I watched its tiny tail wriggle on the concrete floor. Musashi didn’t seem to be the least bit hurt by the body slam.

Rat at the Neighbor’s House

Not too long ago I was sitting in my usual spot, drinking coffee in the early morning. Musashi was sleeping on my leg. This is how my mornings usually begin, and it is nice to relax with my cat before my day starts.

This particular morning he must have had his eyes open, because all of a sudden he darted off my leg, out the door, and into the grass. He stopped for a minute, then ran to the neighbor’s front porch. They hadn’t been home in a few days and there house was closed up. The rats usually use vacant houses as their playground, so I figured Musashi must have spotted one.

I watched him for a while. He just sat on the front porch, staring up at the roof. A few minutes went by and I got bored so I went back to what I was doing. About ten minutes later, Musashi came running into my house with a rat in his mouth.

He brought the rat straight back to my bedroom and started playing with it, literally doing summersaults over it. Then he proceeded to consume the entire rat in one sitting. Impressive. There is a video below of him playing with the rat.